TUMBLING TUMBLING

I've got a tumblr. http://moo-101.tumblr.com/

Might not be posting on this much more... Been a pleasure! xo

mooBlog 18-7-2011: Coughing it all up...

I've decided to quit smoking again. I have no assumptions that it'll last, but I certainly do hope so. Even over the last few days I've been feeling a lot better (despite the frequent withdrawals.)

So I've decided to do a blog, a bit of self-inspiration. I want to list myself, the reasons why staying off the smokes is a good thing.

Here we go.

1. I save money. This is a pretty big thing. Since I quit my job about two months ago, I've been struggling financially, so stopping smoking will help me to at least make my budget stretch further. I may even be able to improve on my diet of mi goreng and dim sims.
2. I won't stink. Funny how when I'm smoking I love the smell of a cigarette. Today, walking around, every time I encounter the odour of smoke, I'm repulsed. I can't imagine how I smell when I'm off being a full-on chimney.
3. I save time. Funny, it's not something that I've thought about a lot, but in hindsight, it's pretty true that smoking actually takes up time. For me, sometimes that's the attraction; when I'm bored, wating, etc, it is very easy to just light up. Today though, I was working at uni. Instead of having to take a break every 60 to 90 minutes, sometimes for up to 10 minutes, I'm able to get a hell of a lot more done in the same amount of time.
4. Fitness. The day after I stopped, I realised that it was the first day that I hadn't woken up coughing in a long time. Although I've got a long way to go, my renewed (albeit a little minimal) energy levels have allowed me to start doing things I really couldn't be fucked doing before. For instance, I've been for a skate for the last two days. About eight or so months ago, I bought a skateboard, and after using it only once, I haven't even touched it since. That is, until the other day, when I was bored, full of energy, and wanted to finally get around to getting a skill that I've longed for for over a decade now. (Funny how when I get to the age where most people would stop trying to do new things, I take them up.)
5. I may even lengthen my life. This will be a good thing. I'll get to spend more time with my friends. I'll get to have more years to fight the system of capitalism. I'll have more time to travel, write, draw, explore, read, design and simply live my life.

I'm excited. Writing this made me all tingly inside. I feel so much better about life now, I can't wait for tomorrow!

mooBlog 15-7-2011: The music on the shuffle is becoming a pattern (oh) I don't know what that is.

Sometimes, when I'm sitting on the train, on the way to wherever it is that I am going, a song will play on my shuffle that pretty much changes my day.

This happened this morning, with two songs coming on one after the other. The first was "Empty Cans" by my favourite artist, The Streets. I thought I'd share the videos for the two, but realised that "Empty Cans" doesn't have a video. However, some brillo person made a Lego stop motion video interpretation, which is pretty wicked.

So there I was, all melancholy about the most ridiculous of things, but thought that instead of going down the path of self-loathing (again), I'd choose the path of self-loving. Was already feeling much better about life by this point.

The next song that came on was this.

And by the end of the song, I was almost embarrassed that I had gotten to a point where a song like this was needed to turn shit around for me.

Thanks Mike, thanks Robert.

mooBlog 10-7-2011: Oh, the walls we build!

Everyone has their walls. Some people scream and shout. Others have more hidden methods, showing only what they need to in order to ensure their cards stay close to their chests. It's the reason why I say 'hmmm' when I'm know what I want to say would be interpreted wrongly. It's the reason I become defensive in words and aggressive in manner whenever someone offers an opinion that differs to mine. It's not a good thing at all. It's cost me a lot over the years. The thing is, I can personally see the faults in my personality. I have seen the way people react. Every single time I have to look closely at myself, and I say, "I will never do that again!" But, every time, I do it again. And I've had to watch people walk away from me because of it.

I guess what I'm saying is that everyone has their walls to defend their insecurities. I wish I didn't, and that I could say what I need to when I need to. Nevertheless, I'm left with, at the very least, knowledge of the path forward. I'm not talking about changing who I am, just how I am. I know I probably will get lost again, but at the very least I have hope that it won't happen.

I like this one coz it's fitting

mooBlog 29-6-2011: The present (is a gift)

This song, to me, is still amazing and inspiring. The chorus makes me feel more at home in my own skin every time I hear it. "I came to this world with nothing, and I leave with nothing but love, everything else is just borrowed."

Has to be a sign not to dwell on that which can be taken away, but that which we have now. Tomorrow is an uncertainty, but today is real.

The clip is pretty chilling too. Heart goes out to all the families who due to the financial crisis have had their homes taken.

Ode to bad behaviour

I spend too much,
I smoke too much,
I worry too much,
I stress too much,
I drink too much,
I procrastinate too much,
I think too much,
... or do I?
I talk too much,
I walk too... infrequently,
I eat too much,
I stare too much,
I yell too much,
I sleep too much.

I bite my fingernails...

mooBlog 26-4-2011: Your Anger Is A Gift

Yesterday we rallied outside the Maribyrnong Detention Centre. We sang, yelled and screamed for two reasons. One, to make our voices heard, so that the Australian govt. might finally finish locking up refugees. The second reason, is to give hope to the refugees inside. For them to know that we are fighting for them, that they are welcome here, well, maybe it'll give these innocent souls a reason to carry on in the face of such inhumane treatment. This morning, while nursing my wrist (which was battened by police while I was trying to tie a ribbon to the fence,) I wrote a poem. I'd much rather it was lyrics, but I can neither sing nor play an instrument, so it'll stay as a poem. It's not too in depth, but hopefully you get the point.

Your Anger Is A Gift (Title taken from the song "Freedom" by Rage Against the Machine)


How would you feel
being locked up like veal,
and treated as an animal?
Detaining refugees is criminal.


Ol' Swanny says it's insensitive
to set alight these camps.
But their treatment gives no incentive
To submit to their sordid clamps


We gotta get to grips with this situation.
The pigs bring the battens to every demonstration.
"That'll teach these lefties!" is the forces cry.
But your brutality gives us more reason  to defy!


And what is the crime these refugees have committed?
Absolutely nothing, so they shouldn't be incarcerated.
They're just fleeing the bombs out own government drops.
No wonder we hate these pollies and their fucking cops.


So the time has come,
for us to draw the line,
and fight for the voiceless,
and free them all,
body and mind.


For more information about what's been happening with regards to mandatory detention in Australia, here are some good links:

http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/1526231/Bowen-cracks-down-on-asylum-seeker-rioters

http://www.youtube.com/user/ten#p/u/15/SDR_Fy06QkU

http://sa.org.au/index.php?option=com_k2&view=item&id=6863:refugee-supporters-rally-in-sydney&Itemid=453

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/protesters-push-for-change-on-detention-rules-20110425-1dtsh.html

If you want to contribute to the campaign, you can check out the Victoria branch of Refugee Action Collective @ http://www.rac-vic.org/

Or shoot me a comment and I'll happily reply.
And remember:


"With poetry I paint the pictures that hit
More like the murals that fit
Don't turn away
Get in front of it" - Rage Against The Machine

My green apple infused Schmirnoff vodka intoxication is revealing to say the least. I've gotten half way, and all I've found is self-loathing. Not that weak, oh-nobody-likes-me-i'm-gonna-eat-some-worms kinda loathing either. I'm talking about slaughtering bouts of hopelessness. Is there really a cure for that. I doubt that alcohol is the answer, but it definitely is the cheapest medicine.

I'm left with not much but a few melting ice cubes and dry eyes after pushing back tears for hours. Seriously, I thought I was doing fine. One glimpse, that's all it fucking took. One fucking glimpse, and I was right back in September, wondering how it all went so fucking wrong.

Tonight, though, I need/needed a friend. I went through my phone book. Seriously guys, I felt that I couldn't relay this shit to anyone in there. What the fuck does that say? Trust. I cannot trust people anymore. So you know what I'll do? I'ma get fucking drunk and sit in silence. At the very least no-one will see my sniveling, pathetic tears.

mooBlog 7-3-2011: Lack of forethought

I should have seen this coming. For all of the effort that I put into trying to be righteous, I crossed the line into self-righteousness. Who the fuck am I, to say that I can empathize with the oppressed minorities of this world? I can talk to people, the people of these groups, until my ears ring and my voice is gone. Does it change me? I would like to think that it does, but I'm not so sure.

Bigotry, even the sub-conscious variety, still dictates so much of how I act. If I laugh at a joke, only to have it pointed out to me that it is racist, or sexist, or homophobic, I later feel embarrassed. Not only because it has offended people, but more-so because I didn't recognize it as being a bigoted joke to begin with.

I can listen to people talk about the persecution of being black, being a woman, being a Muslim or Aboriginal. But is that all I can do? I, as a white, secular male, can never even begin to understand what it means to be targeted and labeled. As much as I want to, I can never actually relate to this oppression, I can only view on listening, and hope that I don't act out the bullshit stereotyping that I was brought up to believe in.

Fuck, why isn't it easier to overcome this? I want my mind to be free of all this, I can't stand the thought that anyone would see me as one of the middle-class chauvinists that I grew up alongside.

The worst of all of this, is that I talk myself up so much as being open-minded, only to have my face slapped (figuratively, of course) after my myopia is exposed.

So, I don't really know what to do now. I've surrounded myself with some of the most righteous, giving, caring, motivated, open-minded people I could find, and I know slowly, that the way I view the world is being changed for the better. However, I now know how far I've got to go. I think I'll simply shut the fuck up and actually LISTEN to these people, instead of trying to pretend that I know what they mean already.

mooBlog 20-2-2011: Finding a place for hate.

You hold your head high because you think you taught me.
I hold mine high because I know all you say is lies.

You hold your head high because you see real doctors when sick.
I hold mine high because I survive without it.

You hold your head high because you control this society.
I hold mine high because WE have all the real power.

You hold your head high because you make your money without working.
I hold mine high because I earn all of mine.

When I see you enter your temple to check your fucking bank balance, I feel hatred.
To me, you are nothing but scum. Fucking bourgeois scum.

You hold your head so fucking high. One day I'll get a noose to hold it higher, you reactionary swine.

mooBlog 22-1-2010

Yeah,
Thanks to http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/lessons/for_beginners/reading_guitar_tablature_ii.html I can now read tabs, and sort of play them.

^_^

mooBlog 21-1-2011: tiny little flakes of white paint

I really can't wait to get back to Melbourne. It's not that I don't like spending time with my family, I just love that city. There's always something to do. Particularly though, I miss the activism and the fight against bigotry. 


I miss being able to say that I'll go to things like this http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=135069296555278


I miss having my friends around, staying up late talking about whatever, and whoever. 

I miss being able to catch up with someone after months, just on whim, simply for a coffee or a beer.


I miss walking through the parks, the lane-ways and the malls. I miss the anonymity of the masses, the solitude of public transport. I miss the secrecy of below-ground bars, second story pubs and hidden alley entrances.


I miss simply falling asleep somewhere that isn't my bed, particularly the State Library lawns.


I miss the metropolis, it's beauty and ugliness simultaneously. For in it I see me, my flaws are a reflection of my city's. 

mooBlog 15-1-2010: Ignored

Hello.

So, this is where this all stands:

Yes we've had some spills shall I say 
And I thought you were going to leave, but not that you'd evaporate

                                   - The Wombats

Ignored. Completely forgotten, informed of elapsed memory is me.

The worst part? That I still give a shit. That I'd give my right arm for the chance to even be friends, and to have her talk to me.

No. That's not the worst part. The worst part is I caused this through my immaturity; the fall of me. She'll never know how much of me I've changed since then and am working on making better. She did the right thing, let me know that as I was, there was a subconscious bigotry in me, reflected sometimes in my actions. I'll strive until it's gone, or at least until I don't care anymore.

mooBlog 11-1-2011: Reread the works of infuriation

I'm glad I keep a blog. It's important to remind one's self of the principles that we guide ourselves by. Thank god I reread this today, it's very helpful considering how things are at the moment. Anyway, this is a blog from 2008, I just wanted to repost it, because it's relevant.

mooBlog 15-9-08: Putting To Sleep A Lion

Current mood:crushed

Déjà vu is a stiffening emotion. It brings with it something optimistic, yet somehow sad. 'How is that possible?'

My mind rebels against the weather, the first spring day, the start of the warmth.

I can't express this thought correctly. I'm attempting to verbalize the idea that I've been here before. New people seem known. Locations seem familiar, like I've walked those streets before.

What does it mean? It's an unfair situation to be in.

I've grown tired of the old clichés; the repetition of rejection by this world. I've seen the love around me, offered to me even. What do I do with it? I let it slide away, forgotten like an old sepia photo in the back of a borrowed book. I'll probably end up regretting a lot of this. It's not my fault though. If those who I showed my true colours to actually cared enough to realise what I was risking by doing so, things would be different. I give and I give. I allow opportunities for people to know me, but no second chances though. I'm not gonna ever wait around. This is MY life. Waste my time and you'll never hear from me again. Ignore me, and YOU ARE ALREADY FORGOTTEN. No apologies for this, because this is me at my most honest.