I should have seen this coming. For all of the effort that I put into trying to be righteous, I crossed the line into self-righteousness. Who the fuck am I, to say that I can empathize with the oppressed minorities of this world? I can talk to people, the people of these groups, until my ears ring and my voice is gone. Does it change me? I would like to think that it does, but I'm not so sure.
Bigotry, even the sub-conscious variety, still dictates so much of how I act. If I laugh at a joke, only to have it pointed out to me that it is racist, or sexist, or homophobic, I later feel embarrassed. Not only because it has offended people, but more-so because I didn't recognize it as being a bigoted joke to begin with.
I can listen to people talk about the persecution of being black, being a woman, being a Muslim or Aboriginal. But is that all I can do? I, as a white, secular male, can never even begin to understand what it means to be targeted and labeled. As much as I want to, I can never actually relate to this oppression, I can only view on listening, and hope that I don't act out the bullshit stereotyping that I was brought up to believe in.
Fuck, why isn't it easier to overcome this? I want my mind to be free of all this, I can't stand the thought that anyone would see me as one of the middle-class chauvinists that I grew up alongside.
The worst of all of this, is that I talk myself up so much as being open-minded, only to have my face slapped (figuratively, of course) after my myopia is exposed.
So, I don't really know what to do now. I've surrounded myself with some of the most righteous, giving, caring, motivated, open-minded people I could find, and I know slowly, that the way I view the world is being changed for the better. However, I now know how far I've got to go. I think I'll simply shut the fuck up and actually LISTEN to these people, instead of trying to pretend that I know what they mean already.
Bigotry, even the sub-conscious variety, still dictates so much of how I act. If I laugh at a joke, only to have it pointed out to me that it is racist, or sexist, or homophobic, I later feel embarrassed. Not only because it has offended people, but more-so because I didn't recognize it as being a bigoted joke to begin with.
I can listen to people talk about the persecution of being black, being a woman, being a Muslim or Aboriginal. But is that all I can do? I, as a white, secular male, can never even begin to understand what it means to be targeted and labeled. As much as I want to, I can never actually relate to this oppression, I can only view on listening, and hope that I don't act out the bullshit stereotyping that I was brought up to believe in.
Fuck, why isn't it easier to overcome this? I want my mind to be free of all this, I can't stand the thought that anyone would see me as one of the middle-class chauvinists that I grew up alongside.
The worst of all of this, is that I talk myself up so much as being open-minded, only to have my face slapped (figuratively, of course) after my myopia is exposed.
So, I don't really know what to do now. I've surrounded myself with some of the most righteous, giving, caring, motivated, open-minded people I could find, and I know slowly, that the way I view the world is being changed for the better. However, I now know how far I've got to go. I think I'll simply shut the fuck up and actually LISTEN to these people, instead of trying to pretend that I know what they mean already.
